10 years ago I experienced a profound spiritual awakening, which you can read about here. It changed the trajectory of my life, sending me down a path of letting go of everything I knew – career, home, and now, 10 years later, my marriage.
At the time, the only thing I KNEW was that I just wanted to stay in that place of peace. Of being connected to the only real thing I’d ever experienced. The KNOWING that underneath everything, I am untouched. The essence of who I am is eternal, and nothing can change that. Not even death. FEELING that was the most powerful thing I’d ever experienced…until now.
As much as I tried, I couldn’t keep the world at bay. Little by little, the world pulled at me. I took a sabbatical to try to insulate myself from the world, and a year later, the world called me down a new path. I chose to follow it. I now realize that insulating myself from the world is not my path. As sweet as it is, the separation between my source and my human-ness does not serve me or anyone else.
But I return there as often as I can. Stillness. Peace.
I am now realizing that my human-ness is my feminine. She has been awakened, called forth by me. I am learning how to cultivate her power; I am learning how I can heal myself and heal the world.
I was at an intimacy intensive recently, and I experienced something I’ve never experienced in my life: KNOWING my power to heal.
Being deeply seen, felt, and heard by a man.
Evoking the divine in each other.
To experience this, I needed to completely open myself, be completely vulnerable, let myself be seen. It felt like an act of generosity and an offering of myself not only to the men I practiced with, but to the whole world.
My heart was split open, and I haven’t been able (nor wanted) to close it since. I FEEL everything – joy & pain – and now I am embracing it all. My capacity for feeling has grown exponentially, and I am seeing that THIS is a way to heal the world. My words, my acts, are deeply rooted in love.
And I know that I needed the masculine to evoke that in me. I know that I couldn’t have done it by myself. I believe we gifted each other – me calling forth his deepest purpose and him calling forth my deepest surrender. It was the sweetest dance I’ve ever danced with no movement.
THIS is what I’m here to do now.
Inside, I can feel my source dancing with my human-ness. And I’m creating ways for others to experience the same. Because one thing I know for sure is that when that happens - when the masculine and feminine share their deepest gifts with each other, when they evoke the divine in each other - there is no way for anything but love to reign.
There is no way we could hurt another from this place.