I left my marriage a little over a year ago. Doing so catapulted me into a powerful place called “liminal space.” I have spent the last year living in this “in-between” time – a threshold between what was and what will be. And I have learned how to cultivate this space, to preserve and honor it to harvest the deep gifts it has to offer.
“In anthropology, liminality (from the Latin word līmen, meaning "a threshold") is the quality of ambiguity or disorientation that occurs in the middle stage of rituals, when participants no longer hold their pre-ritual status but have not yet begun the transition to the status they will hold when the ritual is complete. During a ritual's liminal stage, participants "stand at the threshold" between their previous way of structuring their identity, time, or community, and a new way, which the ritual establishes.”
What it feels like in this space….
Full of possibility
Dwelling so consistently in this space has taught me some powerful lessons about liminality and how it can be used consciously for transformation.
You can create it for yourself
Often liminality is thrown upon us, casting us adrift from what we’ve known. Job loss, divorce, travel, death, birth of a child, moving – these are all opportunities where there is an opening for liminality. When I first work with coaching clients, my intention is to serve them by creating this opening with them. But you don’t need anyone else to do this for you. Half the work is just realizing that you are IN an opening. Life often invites us in, but few of us answer the call. Anything that significantly disrupts your routine is an opening for liminality. If you don’t answer the call, however, the opening closes. And even if you DO answer the call, your ego will want to close the door ASAP.
I was speaking to a client who recently moved overseas and before she could “settle in” I recommended she attend an intimacy workshop to take her way outside her comfort zone. It was a magical experience for her, not only opening up new and deeper aspects of herself, but also establishing a whole new identity that she can expand while she is there. She also met a guy there, which in my experience is also how liminality works. The openness we bring draws in new, unforeseen possibilities.
You can embrace it
The power of liminality comes from its ability to bring us fully into the present moment, which is one of the few times when our subconscious programming takes a back seat to conscious creation. One of the most memorable times we experience this as humans is when we are first in love. Remember a time when you fell in love…that feeling of being completely, undeniably, undividedly present. When you were purely focused on the moment and of bringing forth the best in yourself. Anytime we lose touch with our anchors in life, we can choose to open or to close. If we choose to embrace this threshold, it will deliver its gifts to us.
Often, our commitment to the openness is tested. Recently I had a client take a stand for a business opportunity in her life that her husband didn’t agree with. Instead of backing down, which she would have done in the past, she evoked a time of liminality in her life and chose to stand in the storm. This brought up old patterns and she was tested mightily, even as she remained open to NOT knowing the answer but committing to the process. There was a period of several months of tension and difficult conversations. Her openness probably saved her marriage AND her opportunity.
You can powerfully create with it
Probably my biggest personal lesson over the past year was to strengthen my ability to remain open in the most difficult moments. What I have learned is that magic happens in the portals I either capitalize on or create. Magic that looks like extraordinary results, achieved in flow, in my relationships and business. Magic that looks like divine guidance of the highest, most surprising kind.
There are 2 keys to creating powerfully in the liminal space:
- Being able to ground yourself and hold your own vulnerability to some extent, and to surround yourself with people who can also do that for you. I had several very grounding people in my life over the past year (my therapist, my best friend, my roommate, and some extraordinary men) whom I knew were holding space for me on my journey. Meditation, sitting in stillness, and conducting ceremony are great ways to learn to ground yourself and expand your capacity for uncertainty.
- Surrendering to what life wants to happen through you. Bring your desires, yes, and cast them lovingly out to Spirit with devotion and yearning. AND, be open to what shows up and what you are guided to do. Even if it doesn’t make ANY sense. What I created over the past year is beyond anything I could have ever desired or thought was possible, AND I had to let go of what I thought it should look like. And, I often had to let go of having it at all. And then, magically it showed up in a bigger, better form.
A coach of mine once told me that “something always comes from nothing.” But you have to be willing to go into the nothing, make friends with it, open up to it, dance with it, make love to it. Liminality is the nothing that is the opening for your greatest good, and your greatest service to the world.
So, mine the thresholds in your life. The small ones, like every time you cross a doorway or get into your car, as well as the big ones, like when you travel or experience other life events, are the portals to magic in your life.
I’m currently offering 3 ways to experience and capitalize on liminality in your life:
- My 6-week virtual women’s program, Juicy. It is a dive into manifesting from your feminine power through pleasure, surrender, and the integration of your masculine and feminine energies. There is still time to register.
- I have 1 space open on my Meet Your Magic Vision Quest Retreat in Sedona, Arizona November 7-12, 2017. This 5-day, 4-night retreat teaches you how to create, embrace and use liminality in your everyday life.
- I am accepting 2 new 1:1 coaching clients at this time by referral or invitation. Contact me if you’d like to explore what it would be like to work with me.